Are you a bottle of wine or some sort of cheese?

Well if you are not any of the two things mentioned in the post title, then age doesn't matter. I am sure there have been books, articles and Forbes lists published regarding this subject. But still, here we are labeling people around us according to their age!

Imagine an interview room where all the candidates have numbers on top of their head, numbers that mean something. After they (the people) find out your number they multiply it with your height, divide it with your looks score, and extract the number of friends that you have on Facebook. Guess what the result is?  The result  is nothing more than a number that represents your skills, your competences and who you are for those who don't know you. Thinking processes are brilliant !
Some people will call you young or will chain youngness to immaturity. I often hear people saying that in your twenties you're immature. Well, most probably there are lots of immature twenty-somethings but that doesn't  automatically mean that young adult translates all the time as immature. This is a stereotype and it occurs because some people don't understand that maturity is not determined by one's age is more one's ability to respond to the environment in a proper way, to behave in a certain manner,  to understand life, to have purpose and direction and so on.  
In other words what am I am trying to say is that you shouldn't throw your twenties away in partying or just wasting your time until you get to that age when -according to others- you can start doing the real thing called  the real life.

I thoroughly believe that age doesn't matter when comes about defining and building yourself. You are never too young or too old to get involved, to learn, to develop and of course to learn something stupid.

Some time ago I found out about Meg Jay, a clinical psychologist, and while I decided to write this post, this Ted Talk came to mind. So I thought I might share it, in case you haven't seen it. The talk is inspired from her book called The Defining Decade.



Stay Positive!
W.P

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Look on the bright side and develop a healthy sense of humor!

Things happen, life takes its course and we need/want to move along. Pack our bags, store our sweet memories and check in to a new destination called home for few years. I've always said that life has so much to offer and it is also too short to just stay in one place. 

Everybody that has ever moved experienced that so called culture shock (disorientation experienced when suddenly subjected to an unfamiliar culture or way of life). So it happens and in order to know how to deal with it we need to understand it better. In few word you are suffering of culture shock if:

• you are feeling insecure in the new environment, sometimes shy for a longer period of time;
• you prefer engaging in activities that don't involved other people;
• you feel like sleeping more than normal and you still feel tired;
• you miss your previous home, your friends and you find it difficult to engage in new friendships;
• you seam to observe all the bad things in the new country and also you get bothered over little things ( the waiter was slow in a restaurant, the bellboy did not open the door for you and so on)
• obviously the list may continue and it is subject to the individuality of each person.

 But what can we actually do for our transition to become a positive experience and also to overcome the culture shock?

1. Do your research. Read about the history, find out about the political regime, cultural customs, safety issues and mainly try to learn the language a bit so you can communicate. All of this in order for you to see where you fit.
2. Try speaking with the locals (do an effort if doesn't come easily for you) that will give you much more tangible information that any other website that you might have read. Don't be afraid to ask questions.
3. Don't be ignorant, nobody likes foreigners that think of themselves as being better just because they come from more developed countries.
4. Reach out to the expat community so you can learn from the experience of other people but don't let yourself interact just with expats because you will probably miss out on lots of things.
5. Get involved! Do things that you will normally do but do be aware of the local customs and I am sure you will find yourself a cozy spot in the new place.
   

Let's see how the happiness part goes...

In order for you to be happy you really need to work on your expectations. More probably there will be moments when you will get frustrated because things are not happening how you want them to happen. But keep in mind that you are the one who needs to adapt to the country not the country to you. And the most important thing in order for you to cope is to Look on the bright side and develop a healthy sense of humor! Like  that 

you'll definitely have brilliant outcomes that will effectively contribute to your personal and professional growth.

Stay positive!

W.P  

Illustration by Andrea Wan

illustration by Andrea Wan

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If by Rudyard Kipling

                                                                 If

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too:
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream---and not make dreams your master;
If you can think---and not make thoughts your aim,
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same:.
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build'em up with worn-out tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings,
And never breathe a word about your loss:
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,

Or walk with Kings---nor lose the common touch,   
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much:
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And---which is more---you'll be a Man, my son!

 Stay positive!
 W.P

                                             

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If we could only measure the distance that someone could walk to reach our soul...

            
We all have friends that we love, appreciate,  and sometimes try to help even if they are far away. When a friend leaves to embrace a new job in a new country with new people we feel so happy and at the beginning we share with them all the positive thoughts and we try a projection of all the amazing things that they will get to do, feel and see. And then off they go. After a while they call you and you feel a strange voice at the other end of the line, a little scared voice that even strong people can experience sometimes. And they say I miss home! (or something like that) And you feel trapped, what is the best thing to say?

So my dear friend, because I wasn't able or I didn't have the time to tell you on the phone what I felt, I am going to write it down so you can read it from the corner of your new world.

We all have dreams and yours is beautiful, you always wanted to travel because we all know you weren't made to settle before you had your crazy adventure.  Now you're there, and sometimes when our dream is so close that we are actually in it, it is normal to feel scared and confused. We know what we want and when we wanted but even so sometimes we don't expected to happen so soon and therefore that small scared voice comes out. Remember that dreams have stages as well : comfort, stretch and panic. When we discussed about you becoming  what you are training now to become you were in your comfort zone, and that thought was amazing. When your ticket was delivered and you had a departure date finalized, you were starting with small steps to enter the stretch zone.Then after a while, as you had like a month to get used with the idea, that stretch zone become your comfort zone, and you were very happy again. And this process will always repeat itself during your stay there. You just need to give yourself time and space.  So what I am trying to say is that in order to live our dreams we need to accept the small parts when we feel stretched . Nevertheless I am just trying to reassure you that everything that you are going through is normal.  Try to remember the main objectives of you being there and how few years ago only the thought of getting that and being there was bringing light into your lovely eyes, and then you used to say- I don't think that is possible!  This being said the only thing that is left to say is that according to you, you are living your own idea of - impossible. Enjoy it! Hard work always pays off. 

 “The traveler sees what he sees. The tourist sees what he has come to see.” ( G. K. Chesterton) 

So you chose to be a traveler.

Stay positive!

W.P

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Is there enough fish in the sea?

Life is such a complex journey with so many different paths that contribute to your becoming. Sometimes we stop, we look back and forth and we decide to take action. To do something different, to change our life style, to change our career, to make a gym subscription or just to stop eating meat. We start by saying...From Monday I will...!

During the first days and weeks we can't see anything else then our objectives and our dreams. All our energy is centralized over one point: our new greatest idea. This idea is a special one because you thought so much about it that you are already able to see it. Nothing is better then visualizing what you want. As said before our expectations do shape our experiences.

But what happens when you start on a path with all the plans made? What are the things that make your idea fade away? 

For example you have been working in the HR domain for more then seven years but it has never been your biggest passion. You enjoyed it, and you've done a good job as well. But it just wasn't enough for you! And one day out of the blue you feel the need for a change. You want to transform your passion into a profession. You've been always fascinated by decorations, you have several subscriptions to interior design magazines and every time members of your family or friends move places or they decide to decorate, you are the first one to receive a call. So you are not only good at it, you are amazing and some have noticed.

What is important in this situation or in other similar situations is what you do after you've filled yourself with good thoughts and positive expectations. What do you do when you've arranged your thoughts and you decided to leave the house and let people know about your big plan? 

There will be people that will tell you that you don't have experience or studies in the field of interior design, or other will be skeptic about how will you get clients and so on. This way your happiness bubble becomes smaller and smaller but your hope and ideas are still there. You move on and start doing some research and you find people with more experience and you get intimidated. You start doubting  yourself and your bubble almost pops. You see people from your close community doing exactly what you dreamed of and you find it even harder to start. The truth is you are afraid and you consider dropping your idea, you even feel embarrassed as you already told few people about it.

Now that I hopefully managed to give you an idea about this type of situation I am going to tell you some things that you can do to keep your dream alive and act upon it:

The main thing is to lead your self according to the GROW model. What does that mean? Goal, Reality, Objective and Will.

• set clear small objectives and a goal
• set some time frames for each objective
• be selective when comes about sharing your idea with people around you
• believe in yourself
• find positive arguments for your idea 
• control your reactions
• believe from all your heart that it is possible
• be in a healthy connection with the reality
• surround yourself with positive people
• be open minded and let your idea develop, do not be rigid
• keep a action journal
• don't be afraid to ask for help
• find innovative ways to reward your progress

The things above are meant to give you some guidelines I strongly recommend that you customize them according to your situation. And remember that there will always be enough fish in the sea, you just need to believe and get yourself a fishing kit.

Stay positive!

W.P  

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How to build positive feelings?

Building positive feelings should come naturally and should not be a struggle. Living our life in a  normal way puts us in various situations: some good or some bad but at the end of the day it's important what we take out of them. We feel best when we are able to be who we actually are even when less joyful or difficult things happen. As said before some things cannot be change but we can change our attitude when we refer to them.

It is important to be curious and open. Learn the art of being open-minded. Which means that sometimes you should follow the path that makes you curious, even if you need to get out of your comfort zone. Let go to rigid expectations, or worse don't stop trying something just because you have a well build set of negative ideas about it. Remember that your expectations have the power to shape your experiences. For example you have been invited to a party, and you know that there will be only couples there and you are going to go alone. You will start to feel frustrated just because you have the impression the couples speak a different language. So if your expectation is negative the party has lots of chances to become a negative experience. Don't let your thoughts stop you to have a good time! In this party situation you forgot that in order to have a couple you need two individuals and this way you missed the chance of experiencing something (possibly) interesting . It is all about how you prepare yourself for all the events or daily moments of your life.

 Remember that curiosity is the engine of well-being. If you want to be happy you need to know what makes you happy, what makes you better, what gives you pleasure and most important who you are. You need to understand that sometimes not knowing what you want or what makes you happy stays in the way of your real happiness. If you want to live in a bigger world you just need to start being curious about everything, starting with yourself.

A way to increase your day-to-day happiness is to be thankful and grateful for what you have and start to appreciate it more. Self-awareness is really important. Do not take thinks for granted. Think of it as positive reinforcement ( involves the addition of a reinforcing stimulus following a behavior that makes it more likely that the behavior will occur again in the future).

Don't be afraid to express gratitude and to be kind with people around you. Saying please and thank you is not such a hard thing. Learn to care.

Another important thing is to make time for people. Spend time with friends and family and don't forget to surround yourself with positive people or be the one who sends positive vibes in your group. All of these things will help you keep you positive feelings on track. And if during this journey you can still be real, I am sure you've learned what positivity means.  

Stay positive!

W.P

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How to overcome sadness

In his book, Stages of meditation,  Dalai Lama says that: external enemies, however brutal they are, only affect us during one lifetime. They have no power to harm us beyond this life. On the other hand, disturbing emotions are our inner enemies and can definitely cause disaster in future lives. These are, in fact, our worst enemies. Think.

It can be difficult to avoid emotions of any kind but for sure it's not impossible. It is very important to keep your mind -aired- like an enormous room with wide opened windows all around. This way bad things are more likely to get out and not hide in dark corners. Windows are like focus points. Ideas, memories or just simple thoughts that give you a positive feeling about yourself, they are small things that help you build a bigger picture of your place in the universe.

Surround yourself by positive people, people that don't complain, people that treasure life, people that believe in humanity and compassion. Don't get caged by ideas. Believe in yourself and try to understand that in order to be respected you need to respect and extend this rule to everything that surrounds you in nature.

Sometimes it is difficult to overcome sadness especially when you are trying too hard. We feel sad because people hurt us with their actions, because sometimes we don't feel we have been treated wright or just because we know we deserve more. Multiple reasons and the same effect -sadness-, but how can we avoid or overcome sadness?

To start with, you should:

• Stop being your biggest enemy by maintaining bad emotions and distributive thoughts in your mind;
• Get rid of them by replacing them with something that works for you. As we wrote in a previous post - focus on the positive aspects. There is always one waiting for you on the top of the mountain - just take your chance and climb it;
•  Take a walk in lower temperature if possible (eg. winter) and you'll see a different level of your thinking, a more activated one. When you feel the cold all your senses are working on keeping you alive;
• Exercise your brain and your body ( eg. Sudoku, intense body exercises, dancing);
• Meet people that motivate you and talk about nothing;
• Track the evolution of your feelings by writing what you feel, why do you think you feel it and most important what can you do to improve it;
• Re-focus but don't avoid your real feelings;
• Try to define your happiness in less material words and more spiritual ones;
• Love yourself so you can love others;
• Be grateful;
• Change  your body language (smile more).
• Engage in creative activities.

http://mayhemandmuse.com/james-roper-paints-the-imagination/#!gallery[gallery]/7/

Stay positive!

W.P   

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